


Trying to be Good

by Mica Eli Hall (Mickey_D)



Series: Insert Your Favorite Boy Here [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: F/M, Friendship/Love, One-Sided Attraction, Other, Secret Crush, Unrequited Crush, friend zone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-04
Updated: 2014-10-04
Packaged: 2018-02-19 19:24:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2399984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mickey_D/pseuds/Mica%20Eli%20Hall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There was one rule, and she was dangerously close to breaking it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Trying to be Good

**Author's Note:**

> So I picked Zayn, but this could really be any boy. It's written without any names.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> P.S.  
> If you're emotional like me, I might suggest tissues.

She hated this. Well, not really this; it was too sweet to hate. What did she hate? She hated the situation she was in. It was one that left a bittersweet taste in her mouth after she closed the door and said good night. It was one that she knew was all too familiar, but she’d managed to avoid it the last few years. It was one that stung just that bit more because she knew too much already.

“What’s that look for?”

“What look?” she asked. Was she giving him a look? She didn’t mean to. She was trying to cover it up so well.

“I know you don’t believe me, but you are beautiful.”

She had to remind herself to breathe, because he meant it platonically. There was no romance. There was no good-girl-gets-the-bad-boy type story behind those words. He wasn’t really even a bad boy; he was just so different from her. She’d long come to terms with the fact that the difference between the two of them was what drew her to him like a moth to a flame. But her attraction also had something to do with the fact that he was always nice to her, always ready to cheer her up, to make her laugh, to sing like he didn’t know he was doing it. It didn’t mean anything. None of it did. He was like that with everyone, and there was someone else that he wanted to make feel special; someone else he wanted to make feel like a princess. And that wasn’t just some self-defeating conjecture. He’d told her about his dilemma. They’d discussed what he should do since this someone else had a boyfriend. She brushed it off when her friends had found out and asked after her well-being. It wasn’t a big deal. It wasn’t like she’d expected her tiny crush to go anywhere. They never really did. The only reason this hurt so much was because it was the first time in a long time that she’d had these feelings and she’d forgotten how to cope with them.

“Are you going to cry? What’s up?” He asked, his voice colored with disbelief.

“I’m not going to cry,” she insisted, but even as she said it the tears that had been welling up started to slip.

He stepped up to her, ready to pull her into a hug like he’d done before when her head hurt or she was just too tired to feel good. She sucked in a huge breath and pushed him away. “Don’t,” she croaked.

“Why not? What’s going on?”

She smiled at him, but it was a smile drenched in sadness. A wry thing that betrayed the hurt that she was so desperately trying to cover up. “It makes it so hard to be good, and I’m trying to be a good girl.”

“I don’t understand.”

That sad smile stretched a little wider. “I know you don’t. I guess I’m not as obvious as I once thought. Which is good I guess.” He gave her a blank look, but she suspected the wheels were starting to turn and the right answer to his unasked question was slowly solidifying. She continued talking. “You gave me one rule, and you probably didn’t mean it like a rule, but it was one. You told me not to fall for you. I’m trying really hard not to, but you just do these things and they don’t help me at all. I’m teetering dangerously on the edge and I’m scared that I’ve already jumped off the cliff knowing you’re not there to catch me.” Now his eyes were wide and his mouth hung open in a little circle. She couldn’t stop herself from talking. “You don’t have to do anything about it. I know you like her and all. I get that. I do. I’m just trying to be good.” She pressed her hands to her eyes. She could feel it in her chest. It was a feeling she’d had before. Her heart was expanding and pretty soon it would explode into a million pieces. She needed to wrap her arms around her chest to hold herself together. She couldn’t go to pieces. Not in front of him.

“I don’t…”

“I know you don’t know what to do. You don’t have to do anything. I don’t expect you to or anything.” She wrapped her arms a little tighter around her chest. She was coming apart at the seams; she could feel it. “Fuck...just pretend I didn’t say anything okay?”

She got no response, just a shocked look. It couldn’t be that surprising. Surely he had a least suspected. Or maybe he really was just that oblivious. Anger suddenly welled in her chest and it was fully directed at him. She sucked in a large breath, but then looked at his face again. Everything crumbled in an instant. He looked sad, almost like he felt bad for her, like he pitied her. “Just go, please. I’d rather not fall apart in front of you.”

“I’m sorry.”

She laughed at his words. It wasn’t a good sound. “Don’t apologize. It’s not your fault.”

There was no good night when she closed the door. She slid down the wood and stared into the room before her. She drew her knees to her chest and the pieces broke.

 

 


End file.
